Chapter One.
Aaand I'm back to look at my first chapter! But hold the phone, or rather in this case, hold the comment box! It seems I have a few things to respond to first - And unlike any normal, rational human being who'd do so through the comments system, I figure I might as well do it here - Cause let's face it, who reads the comments anyway... (except me..).
Nyergruds: I love you too. ;) I hope I can continue being insightful and not sink into a trend of depraved, pointless ranting (too late for that, I think) or self-promotional ego-masturbation. I think you'll agree there's very little chance of the latter, but it's always fun to use the word masturbation in a sentence. :)
Matt: I won't bite you - But I will answer some questions! On Grey - You got me on both counts. Grey was always, in my mind, at least an offshoot of the staring role of many an abduction tale. So yeah, his name from my point of view reflects that - His name from the crew's point of view is more down to lazy imaginations and the fact that his skin is grey. :p And yep, Assimov is drawn from the Science Fiction writer, I'll be honest and say I haven't read much of his work - Though it still seemed to fit quite nicely. As for the Zebes part... Well, that's for another chapter. :D
Chapter One - A wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Blind Visions, Chapter One.
I'm gonna be honest here - I really do not like this chapter. At all. Well, tiny little bits of it - But I think it's wrought with silly little mistakes that irritate me, and one great whopping flaw of judgement, namely using Tyrus as the POV. Now at this time, as I said in the last blog, I'd given this a good week of thought. I knew what Tyrus was, but I don't think I knew who he was, and this really shows in this chapter. I knew I wouldn't be using him as a POV again, but don't think I took into account how his loyalty to Gen would come to shape his personality as the chapter progressed. Considering everything else we've seen of Tyrus since, I think this is completely off key for him. To my mind, is far too brash and jaded, especially with his rather casual swearing that we never see again. He also used far too many stupid metaphors, but I blame that one on me still very much being in a Jim Castro style mindset at the time. I mean, that really is his specialty. On the other hand, I rather liked "...just to drive the point into the spaceport", but have little love for the rest. Unlike Jim, Tyrus doesn't have the attitude to carry it.
This is the first inkling we get of Tyrus being a 'pet', which is a fine concept but brings about problems that really make me cringe with this chapter. When I wrote that, I thought people wouldn't take it literally. I had this notion that people would see it as him being sarcy. And I think that's what I thought was the case as well, I say this because the little bit we learn about Tyrus' background here really doesn't stand up to what we learn later on. It's very unlikely that Tyrus would remember anything of his home planet, which leads me to believe the idea of Tyrus actually being a pet was only added as an after-thought by me. Most likely because of a comment Matt made highlighting it and saying that it was cool. On the upside, there's a pride to Tyrus in this chapter we don't see often these days, 'It had high ceilings, and I could walk tall and proud - Afterall, nobody was born to walk on their hunches.' is another of my favourite lines - And pretty much sums Tyrus up, in my opinion. Made to walk tall, but so often dragged down by his surroundings. In more ways than one.
That being said, as bad a portrayal as I think this is of him on my part, there are some other enduring character traits that can be gleaned from it. The first one being that he really does come across, even this early, as Gen's voice of reason. The way he deals with the carrier, and brushes off the captains request not to deal with them shows a level of common sense that Gen doesn't have. While Genalyn is, to a point, very wrapped up in herself and her own private dramas, Tyrus really does come across as somebody firmly rooted in practicality and the reality of the situation they're in. Even though I've just spent two paragraph slagging the way I wrote him off, I have to say the rather blunt way Tyrus talks to the reader really does hammer this idea home. He doesn't try to sugar coat anything, he tells you straight out that they work at the increasingly shit end of the stick, so much so that respectable people don't want to be seen with them. Possibly ironic given later revelations, but hey!
The contrasts with Genalyn are quite nice throughout, really. It's really fun to just look back and make them, the relaxed way in which he takes drugs (compared to Gen's complete space-out later) is one of my favourite parts of this chapter, but the real big difference here is the exclamations he uses. Whereas Gen has her goffs, Gods and rhazzards, from Tyrus we get the our first taste of the Order of the Suns. I've always pictured Tyrus as a casual believer - He's as much of a worshipper as somebody who says 'God damnit!' is a Christian, but he believes. Whereas Genalyn clearly doesn't. It seemed natural really - Lizards are cold blooded, they thrive on the sun, so why shouldn't they believe it's a God? It also goes to show the kind of power the logic of the Order has over people, even somebody with the amount of common sense as Tyrus can get sucked in. This is one of my favourite things about the Order - It's not really that far-fetched. You can't dismiss what you clearly see in the sky every single day of your life, afterall. But more on them later. :p
Still hanging around Tyrus for a bit (I'll move on soon! I promise!!!), the sheer height of him is of course one of his main attributes, but I still feel I made far too much of it in this chapter. That's understandable, as are all of the negativities of this chapter, considering I wrote it really not knowing what I was doing, or where I was going. I thought it was important to stress the fact that Tyrus... Wasn't human. And not only is he inhuman, but he's also huge and intimidating. Looking back, I think I certainly made the wrong call there - Especially when it seems like he's practically worshipping the ceiling. On the other hand, there were some really good bits to come out of this, including the way his legs move. His anatomy really comes through there, as his legs are far more flexible than they should be. I imagine Tyrus as this hulking, great blue dinosaur - Only with legs that kind of tuck away under himself, taking a considerable amount of height off him. This is why he can actually fold his legs under his chair so well. I did this because... Well, mainly because I wanted him to be able to go anywhere. Imagine this, the crew are captured by a band of small, space pirate vessels...
"Hm... Captain, not to worry you but... Where is Tyrus?" Asks Grey, to which Genalyn replies.
"Oh, he knocked himself out trying to walk through the airlock, we had to leave him on the Dagger."
Maybe not the most sound reasoning, but I think it's cool. Of course, the one advantage of this that I haven't got across yet is just how fast Tyrus is, I mean, the guy's practically spring loaded... But hey, maybe for another day!
Right, enough about him - Let's get into the surroundings. I probably won't mention them much throughout my blog, but this one is special, mainly because it actually had some thought put into it! I won't lie, this bar was heavily inspired, as much of the early story was, by Serenity. Specifically the bar where River goes fruitloop hatstand and cuts everybody up. I really liked that, you felt as though it really was filthy. Like it was a place that low-lives would actually go. Not like Mos Esley, which frankly, looked really sterile - But there was another element that really took me, and that was how vibrant it was. It managed to be dingy, and yet bright at the same time and I really wanted to capture that. So I set up this place that smelt of shit, blood, piss, etc. Where all the low-lives, prozzies (I admit, I do love that word!), stigheads hang out and filled it with fluorescent lighting. It lines the roof, the chairs, the table, the bar - All different colours, all glowing violently. Kind of like one, long acid trip that never ends. But there's a twist in this that sets it apart from it's Serenity counterpart (aside from lacking the rather surreal and out of place Japanese animations), and sets the tone for the story at large - It's a mockery of a temple. Really, I imagine this place to be like a cross between a gambling den and a cathedral, with it's high, arched ceilings. I remember I had this grand vision of the ceiling before I wrote this, as this great, steepled thing with a tube of fluorescent lighting running down where the two arches meet and then, up those arches there would periodically be more tubes of several different colours running up to join them. Garish? God yes. But I thought it was pretty cool. :)
As for Carriers, I think that idea was probably inspired by my good friend Wesforce's long running Shadowrun based (uh, kind of) RPG. Reading the description of the carrier, he is pretty much a made-to-order Shadowrunner. And I like that, there's just something about the more respectable types mass-producing knock-off scumbags to deal with the real scumbags that appeals to me... Hell, the idea amuses me now more than it did then. I reckon we're going to have to see a return of the Carriers, sometime in the future. :) Things like Eye Glaze is something I intended us to see more of too, but as with so many things in this story - I just haven't found the right opportunity to fit in.
Speaking of which... Stigs. What are stigs? Why haven't I told you in the story yet? It's just been a matter of me not finding a place to explain. I'm not sure a character just randomly launching into a biology lesson in the middle of something is appropriate. That being said, an opportunity might arise, so unlike many stigheads around the universe, I'm hesitant to spill their guts for you all to see here. I guess if enough people are curious, I'll let you all know next blog. :)
In other news, I thought of a brilliant ending yesterday. A truly, truly genius way to go... Of course, I'm not going to tell you - And might not even follow through with it (given the way this shifts and changes like the tide), but what I will say is this... It'll be a happy one for some.
But for now, I'm outta here! As always, questions and comments are appreciated. :)
Nyergruds: I love you too. ;) I hope I can continue being insightful and not sink into a trend of depraved, pointless ranting (too late for that, I think) or self-promotional ego-masturbation. I think you'll agree there's very little chance of the latter, but it's always fun to use the word masturbation in a sentence. :)
Matt: I won't bite you - But I will answer some questions! On Grey - You got me on both counts. Grey was always, in my mind, at least an offshoot of the staring role of many an abduction tale. So yeah, his name from my point of view reflects that - His name from the crew's point of view is more down to lazy imaginations and the fact that his skin is grey. :p And yep, Assimov is drawn from the Science Fiction writer, I'll be honest and say I haven't read much of his work - Though it still seemed to fit quite nicely. As for the Zebes part... Well, that's for another chapter. :D
Chapter One - A wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Blind Visions, Chapter One.
I'm gonna be honest here - I really do not like this chapter. At all. Well, tiny little bits of it - But I think it's wrought with silly little mistakes that irritate me, and one great whopping flaw of judgement, namely using Tyrus as the POV. Now at this time, as I said in the last blog, I'd given this a good week of thought. I knew what Tyrus was, but I don't think I knew who he was, and this really shows in this chapter. I knew I wouldn't be using him as a POV again, but don't think I took into account how his loyalty to Gen would come to shape his personality as the chapter progressed. Considering everything else we've seen of Tyrus since, I think this is completely off key for him. To my mind, is far too brash and jaded, especially with his rather casual swearing that we never see again. He also used far too many stupid metaphors, but I blame that one on me still very much being in a Jim Castro style mindset at the time. I mean, that really is his specialty. On the other hand, I rather liked "...just to drive the point into the spaceport", but have little love for the rest. Unlike Jim, Tyrus doesn't have the attitude to carry it.
This is the first inkling we get of Tyrus being a 'pet', which is a fine concept but brings about problems that really make me cringe with this chapter. When I wrote that, I thought people wouldn't take it literally. I had this notion that people would see it as him being sarcy. And I think that's what I thought was the case as well, I say this because the little bit we learn about Tyrus' background here really doesn't stand up to what we learn later on. It's very unlikely that Tyrus would remember anything of his home planet, which leads me to believe the idea of Tyrus actually being a pet was only added as an after-thought by me. Most likely because of a comment Matt made highlighting it and saying that it was cool. On the upside, there's a pride to Tyrus in this chapter we don't see often these days, 'It had high ceilings, and I could walk tall and proud - Afterall, nobody was born to walk on their hunches.' is another of my favourite lines - And pretty much sums Tyrus up, in my opinion. Made to walk tall, but so often dragged down by his surroundings. In more ways than one.
That being said, as bad a portrayal as I think this is of him on my part, there are some other enduring character traits that can be gleaned from it. The first one being that he really does come across, even this early, as Gen's voice of reason. The way he deals with the carrier, and brushes off the captains request not to deal with them shows a level of common sense that Gen doesn't have. While Genalyn is, to a point, very wrapped up in herself and her own private dramas, Tyrus really does come across as somebody firmly rooted in practicality and the reality of the situation they're in. Even though I've just spent two paragraph slagging the way I wrote him off, I have to say the rather blunt way Tyrus talks to the reader really does hammer this idea home. He doesn't try to sugar coat anything, he tells you straight out that they work at the increasingly shit end of the stick, so much so that respectable people don't want to be seen with them. Possibly ironic given later revelations, but hey!
The contrasts with Genalyn are quite nice throughout, really. It's really fun to just look back and make them, the relaxed way in which he takes drugs (compared to Gen's complete space-out later) is one of my favourite parts of this chapter, but the real big difference here is the exclamations he uses. Whereas Gen has her goffs, Gods and rhazzards, from Tyrus we get the our first taste of the Order of the Suns. I've always pictured Tyrus as a casual believer - He's as much of a worshipper as somebody who says 'God damnit!' is a Christian, but he believes. Whereas Genalyn clearly doesn't. It seemed natural really - Lizards are cold blooded, they thrive on the sun, so why shouldn't they believe it's a God? It also goes to show the kind of power the logic of the Order has over people, even somebody with the amount of common sense as Tyrus can get sucked in. This is one of my favourite things about the Order - It's not really that far-fetched. You can't dismiss what you clearly see in the sky every single day of your life, afterall. But more on them later. :p
Still hanging around Tyrus for a bit (I'll move on soon! I promise!!!), the sheer height of him is of course one of his main attributes, but I still feel I made far too much of it in this chapter. That's understandable, as are all of the negativities of this chapter, considering I wrote it really not knowing what I was doing, or where I was going. I thought it was important to stress the fact that Tyrus... Wasn't human. And not only is he inhuman, but he's also huge and intimidating. Looking back, I think I certainly made the wrong call there - Especially when it seems like he's practically worshipping the ceiling. On the other hand, there were some really good bits to come out of this, including the way his legs move. His anatomy really comes through there, as his legs are far more flexible than they should be. I imagine Tyrus as this hulking, great blue dinosaur - Only with legs that kind of tuck away under himself, taking a considerable amount of height off him. This is why he can actually fold his legs under his chair so well. I did this because... Well, mainly because I wanted him to be able to go anywhere. Imagine this, the crew are captured by a band of small, space pirate vessels...
"Hm... Captain, not to worry you but... Where is Tyrus?" Asks Grey, to which Genalyn replies.
"Oh, he knocked himself out trying to walk through the airlock, we had to leave him on the Dagger."
Maybe not the most sound reasoning, but I think it's cool. Of course, the one advantage of this that I haven't got across yet is just how fast Tyrus is, I mean, the guy's practically spring loaded... But hey, maybe for another day!
Right, enough about him - Let's get into the surroundings. I probably won't mention them much throughout my blog, but this one is special, mainly because it actually had some thought put into it! I won't lie, this bar was heavily inspired, as much of the early story was, by Serenity. Specifically the bar where River goes fruitloop hatstand and cuts everybody up. I really liked that, you felt as though it really was filthy. Like it was a place that low-lives would actually go. Not like Mos Esley, which frankly, looked really sterile - But there was another element that really took me, and that was how vibrant it was. It managed to be dingy, and yet bright at the same time and I really wanted to capture that. So I set up this place that smelt of shit, blood, piss, etc. Where all the low-lives, prozzies (I admit, I do love that word!), stigheads hang out and filled it with fluorescent lighting. It lines the roof, the chairs, the table, the bar - All different colours, all glowing violently. Kind of like one, long acid trip that never ends. But there's a twist in this that sets it apart from it's Serenity counterpart (aside from lacking the rather surreal and out of place Japanese animations), and sets the tone for the story at large - It's a mockery of a temple. Really, I imagine this place to be like a cross between a gambling den and a cathedral, with it's high, arched ceilings. I remember I had this grand vision of the ceiling before I wrote this, as this great, steepled thing with a tube of fluorescent lighting running down where the two arches meet and then, up those arches there would periodically be more tubes of several different colours running up to join them. Garish? God yes. But I thought it was pretty cool. :)
As for Carriers, I think that idea was probably inspired by my good friend Wesforce's long running Shadowrun based (uh, kind of) RPG. Reading the description of the carrier, he is pretty much a made-to-order Shadowrunner. And I like that, there's just something about the more respectable types mass-producing knock-off scumbags to deal with the real scumbags that appeals to me... Hell, the idea amuses me now more than it did then. I reckon we're going to have to see a return of the Carriers, sometime in the future. :) Things like Eye Glaze is something I intended us to see more of too, but as with so many things in this story - I just haven't found the right opportunity to fit in.
Speaking of which... Stigs. What are stigs? Why haven't I told you in the story yet? It's just been a matter of me not finding a place to explain. I'm not sure a character just randomly launching into a biology lesson in the middle of something is appropriate. That being said, an opportunity might arise, so unlike many stigheads around the universe, I'm hesitant to spill their guts for you all to see here. I guess if enough people are curious, I'll let you all know next blog. :)
In other news, I thought of a brilliant ending yesterday. A truly, truly genius way to go... Of course, I'm not going to tell you - And might not even follow through with it (given the way this shifts and changes like the tide), but what I will say is this... It'll be a happy one for some.
But for now, I'm outta here! As always, questions and comments are appreciated. :)
posted by Gladstone Forever! at 12:17 am
1 Comments:
Like last time, your thoughts here are very insightful and engaging. Also like last time, they also pretty much speak for themselves, so I'll just provide a few thoughts of my own here.
First things first: yes, I'd like to know about the Stigs. For the most part, I've gone with the assumption that it's some kind of naturally-developing drug, but created in species of animal rather than a species of plant. But if there's more to Stigs than that, which it looks like there is, then I wouldn't mind knowing more. ;-)
And, just this once, I have to contradict you: I think Tyrus' portrayl in this chapter worked. Partly because things like his sense of reason are all present and correct, but mostly because this chapter was, after all, his viewpoint: as with everyone, how he sees himself and how the other narrators see him won't be the same. For example, just because he swears like a trooper in his head, it doesn't mean he HAS to say that stuff out-loud. ;-)
Oh yes, and seeing as you mentioned the Order of the Suns, there's a thought I've had on them that I should provide. Namely, if they think of the suns as gods, and so think of light as a divine force, what do they think of darkness? I mean, seeing as it's the polar opposite of light, logic dictates that they should hate and fear it even more than we Earth-bound humans do. And, by extension, what do they think of space? There's plenty of darkness out there... ;-)
Still, that's my ten-pence.
-Matt A-
Post a Comment
<< Home